had enough

ugh.

okay, so the last post was written by a completely different person.

I feel horrible.
I am currently in my hotel room in Chiangmai, Thailand, about to do my first "trial teaching class."

My spirit is gone. In everything.

Last night I lost my wallet. It had my driver's license (I had just renewed it), 90 bucks (I had just withdrawn it), debit card (of course), and SS number (everyone's been telling me not to keep it on me....this is why).

I have no money in my bank account, no will to live in this stalehole of a countryside, not enough funds and too much time to be a tourist, and barely enough funds and will to live to make it back to the US.

Now I have to be dependent on the charity of my boyfriend's family. I am not into this. At all. This gamble was such a failure. I can't believe I spent thousands on my wild plan, only to be going "home" 2 months later. "Home" because I left it in brooklyn. I can't go back. This is just so miserable.

Sean is pacing, reading out his lesson plan, looking worried.
Why do we have to do trial teaching? I really have just given up on the whole prospect. Would Dr. Stephen give us our certificates if we didn't go through with this? He already ripped us off $1,600. It's the least he can do.

This whole program is a joke. A bloody joke.

I admit it.
I did wrong.
I made a mistake.
I want to go home.

Now.